Gender Equality
As for my ward of the Church, my perception was that “Pants Sunday” was an utter failure. As far as I could tell, most people had no idea it was even happening. My wife and I saw a grand total of two women that seemed to be participating, but one of them always wears pants, so she was probably an unwitting participant. Men were encouraged to wear purple ties in solidarity, but I didn’t see a single purple tie, either. (Most men were wearing Christmas-themed ties, as our ward had its Christmas program on that day.)
The point is that, to be perfectly honest, I don’t get the feeling many people cared about the movement. Even among those who, like my wife and me, both knew of the event and support gender equality, the general consensus has been disgust that people would be so profane as to stage a protest in Sacrament Meeting. (And yes, I know the organizers did not see it as a protest, but one wonders what else they would call an organized attempt to effectuate change by gathering in one place and acting en masse. Last I checked, that was pretty much the definition of a protest.)
But I digress. As usual.
The point is that since “Pants Sunday,” the Internet has been abuzz with talk about “female equality” in the Church of Jesus Christ. There’s even an “LDS Female Equality Open Discussion” group on Facebook, of which I am personally a member. Generally speaking, the advocates are not claiming errors in doctrine, but would like to see changes in particular traditional practices. A perfect example would be the prayers in the Church’s General Conferences, which are traditionally offered by General Authorities who are not scheduled to address the conference. Since the Church’s General Authorities (as opposed to General Officers) hold specific Priesthood offices, they’re all men. Ergo, all prayers in General Conference (excluding the women’s and young women’s meetings, which are not technically part of the Conference) are also offered by men. It’s not due to any prohibition on women praying; it’s just the way it is. The “Pants Sunday” crowd would like to see this changed, since there is no doctrine nor even policy dictating otherwise. And you know what? I can totally see that, and I have absolutely no problem with it.
But here‘s where there is a problem: I think people are deluding themselves, if they think the sword doesn’t cut both ways. I suspect this isn’t going to make me very popular in certain subgroups, but we can never achieve any kind of “equality” until we understand what, exactly, said “equality” entails. It’s like when people were fighting for the 1970s version of the federal Equal Rights Amendment, then suddenly changed their tune when they discovered the unintended consequences of similar state-level amendments. It’s great to say you can’t discriminate according to sex, but somehow that goes out the window when the state Supreme Court outlaws your daughter’s high-school Girls’ Basketball team.
So, at the risk of offending someone (which I sincerely hope I don’t, but I’m just not very good at avoiding), please allow me to share my story. I am a man. I am, in fact, the man in my own avatar, both here and on Facebook (from whence I suspect many of my readers will come). In addition, I am a man who did not grow up in the Church, who was baptized as a 16-year-old boy, who served a full-time mission from age 19 to 21, and who, during that mission, wished as I had never wished before that I had been born a girl.
It has been said that the whole point of the Young Women’s program is to teach young women that even though they feel worthless, they’re not; and that conversely, the point of the Young Men’s program is to teach young men that even though they feel worthy, they’re not. I felt this quite acutely, throughout my single year in the Young Men’s program. From the time I was baptized, I was constantly bombarded with the doctrines and pseudo-doctrines of the gospel and the Church, all of which dictated that as a man, I was completely and utterly inferior to women. As a member of the Church, I was taught that men hold Priesthood offices because without them, we’re horrible, deplorable retches; and that women don’t need to hold Priesthood office because they’re already so close to perfection that it would be superfluous. To be frank, it was only because of my own intense (and usually detrimental) pride that I managed to remain an active member of such an intensely misandrist Church.
After some three years of dealing with this subtle persecution at the hands of my own Church leaders and fellow members, I finally left for the mission field, determined to teach the gospel as it really is, without the social nuances so prevalent in any society. Still convinced that men and women were supposed to be equal in the Church and the Lord’s kingdom, I always presented it that way, and I staunchly argued against anyone who claimed it to be otherwise. I remember debating a particularly feminist missionary to tears, later returning to discuss the subject with her, one on one, that I might better express my position of equality (which position, thankfully, she accepted).
And then the other shoe dropped.
Thankfully, my mission president talked me off of the proverbial ledge and I wound up serving the last two months of my mission. However, that feeling has never left me, in part because it never leaves General Conference. While the latter message has certainly softened during the Monson administration, we still get to hear at least one talk per General Conference extolling the virtues of women, plus at least one talk condemning the depravity of men. Consider the most recent men’s and women’s meetings, in conjunction with our most recent General Conference: in the women’s meeting, the talks have titles such as Wide Awake to Our Duties and The Lord Has Not Forgotten You; in the men’s meeting, they have titles such as Brethren, We Have Work to Do and Beware Concerning Yourselves. While none of these are 100% praise nor chastisement, it speaks to a significant difference in focus. (It’s even in the Book of Mormon, when the Prophet Jacob tells the Nephites that he’d like to teach the women and children “the pleasing word of God,” but he has to waste his time “admonishing” the men “according to [their] crimes”; Jacob 2:6-9.)
The bottom line of all this is twofold: first, that gender inequality, in what few areas it exists, is indeed (or, at least, can be) a problem. I get that. I agree with that. I would never try to take away from that. But at the same time, there’s a second, probably much more relevant (and surprising) point: that in terms of apparent doctrine, the primary area of disparity comes down firmly on the side of misandry. I’d gladly take less responsibility because of how great I’m doing, over more responsibility as punishment for being so lousy.
Thanks for your thoughts, Jeff! One thing that strikes me here is that your experience could absolutely be an argument for why equality is so badly needed. Because women do not have the priesthood or administrative power, the supporting rhetoric becomes, "Well, you are so wonderful and so special that you don't NEED this. Conversely, men have the priesthood and leadership positions because they are just so awful and selfish that they NEED this to become as good as you naturally are."
ReplyDeleteNeither are true, and those false assumptions hurt us both. And speaking as a woman, I can tell you that so much of the praise heaped upon women by our male leaders simply feels patronizing. We can't have power, so we get praise instead.