Motherhood

The following is adapted from a talk I gave in the Gardendale Ward (Birmingham, Alabama Stake) on 10 May 2015. Enjoy!

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Brothers and Sisters, aloha and happy Mother’s Day!

When I was first asked to speak today, I was told I could pick any topic I wanted. But of course, since it’s Mother’s Day, I’d certainly be remiss if I didn’t choose something to do with moms. And you know what? That’s actually pretty cool, because even though there are a lot of people here that have a lot more experience than I do, being a mom, I do know a few things about moms because I’ve spent most of my life living with one. And one thing I’ve learned is moms are like the greatest thing ever, and you frankly don’t get half the recognition you deserve. As a dad, I’d love to think I’m just as good as a mom, but let’s face it: there’s really no comparison. Yes, dads are important, and the world would be a really sad place if all the dads disappeared. But when you come right down to it, a mom is so much more than just one of the two parental units. Moms are the glue that holds the family together. We dads are more like a screwdriver and a roll of duct tape.

You laugh, but seriously, think about it. What’s the difference between duct tape and glue? They both stick stuff together, and duct tape is the perfect tool if you want to stick certain stuff together, like, for example, ductwork. And actually, like a dozen years ago, there was a girl in our ward who made her prom dress out of duct tape, which was really quite impressive. Imagine what would have happened if she’d made her prom dress out of glue. They wouldn’t have even let her in the door! So, if you’re trying to settle on an adhesive-based prom attire, duct tape is really the way to go. But if you’ve got something broken, like a vase, or a toy, or a child, duct tape is generally not the best choice. You need glue, and moms are definitely the glue.

I mentioned, a couple of minutes ago, that you mothers don’t get half the recognition you deserve. On this beautiful Mother’s Day morning, I hope you’ll let me try to give you the other half, starting with the words of President Sheri L. Dew. Many of you have probably heard of Sister Dew, who currently serves as CEO of Deseret Book, but also—and perhaps more importantly—served in the Relief Society General Presidency from 1997-2002. She also holds the distinction of being the first unmarried General Officer of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So with her particularly unique background, she had this to say about the other half of motherhood:

“While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us” (Are We Not All Mothers?, ¶6).

In keeping with Sister Dew’s remarks, today I’d like to speak to all mothers within the sound of my voice—both those with children and those without. It may seem strange to refer to mothers without children, but I submit that, as Sister Dew stated, there are two definitions of the word “mother”: the world’s definition and the Lord’s.

While men’s responsibilities have been divided linguistically into fatherhood and priesthood, our Father in Heaven makes no such distinction. He is the greatest of High Priests, with limitless power and authority. The power-hungry world, of course, would view this as superseding His Fatherly role, yet what does He ask that we call Him? His position, His priesthood, His work and His glory are all circumscribed by the single, holy name by which He asks His children to call Him: Father. This perfect example is reflected in the equally perfect linguistic conflation of women’s divine roles. Sisters, just like our Heavenly Parents’, your power, your authority, your nurture, your love is combined in a single, sacred name: that of Mother. While we do “tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity,” “the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). And when He does, He looks for what President Julie B. Beck, former First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, called “A ‘Mother Heart’.” Quoting Sister Beck:

“What is a mother heart and how is one acquired? We learn about some of those qualities in the scriptures. To paraphrase Proverbs: ‘Who can find a … woman [with a mother heart]? for her price is far above rubies. … She … worketh willingly with her hands. … With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. … She stretcheth out her hand to the poor. … Strength and honour are her clothing. … She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.’ A woman with a mother heart has a testimony of the restored gospel, and she teaches the principles of the gospel without equivocation. She is keeping sacred covenants made in holy temples. Her talents and skills are shared unselfishly. She gains as much education as her circumstances will allow, improving her mind and spirit with the desire to teach what she learns to the generations who follow her. 

“If she has children, she… lives and teaches standards of behavior exactly in line with the teachings of living prophets. She teaches her ‘children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord’. Rather than listening to the voices and partial truths of the world, she knows that gospel standards are based on eternal, unchangeable truths. She believes that to be ‘primarily responsible for the nurture of [her] children’ is a vital, dignified, and ‘sacred responsibilit[y]’. To nurture and feed them physically is as much an honor as to nurture and feed them spiritually. She is ‘not weary in well-doing’ and delights to serve her family, because she knows that ‘out of small things proceedeth that which is great’” (A Mother Heart, ¶3-4).

This is the difference between a woman who is called “mother” merely by virtue of having children and one who is called “mother” by virtue of magnifying her divine and eternal calling. Consider the words of the Lord to Isaiah: “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.” While the focus of this statement is the Lord’s love for us, it also teaches an important principle about motherhood: how the Lord views success in fulfilling one’s motherly responsibilities. Indeed, even the world seems to have caught onto this concept: it’s rare, for example, that the news report on a woman who fails to bear children; but is quite common to report on those who fail to care for the ones they have. We shudder when we hear of mothers who neglect or, worse yet, intentionally harm their children, but it’s not because these women haven’t fulfilled the biological requirements for motherhood; it’s because they haven’t fulfilled the divine ones.

So how does one develop this mother heart? Well, President Joseph Smith, Jr., taught that “If we start right, it is easy to go right all the time; but if we start wrong we may go wrong, and it will be a hard matter to get right” (The King Follett Sermon, ¶4). So, let’s start at the beginning, and start right: in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the prophets have taught that each mother (and prospective mother) is “created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit… daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. [Your] gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, ¶2-3).

Each of us—not only mothers, but fathers and children as well—must first understand this principle: that we are children of Heavenly Parents, and that with this divine birthright comes not only the responsibility to act on Their behalf, but also the ability to act on Their behalf. Those who fulfill the Lord’s definition of motherhood understand that “perfect love casteth out fear” and that “charity never faileth.” Armed with this love, they realize that they are “not called to fail”; that like the Apostle Paul, they too “can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth [them]”. They understand their responsibility to reach out to all of God’s children, especially little children. They don’t believe the world’s distortion of eternal principles, as expressed in a recent radio program: “Having a loving family is an unfair advantage.” I quote from a professor interviewed as part of the show:

“Evidence shows that the difference between those who get bedtime stories and those who don’t—the difference in their life chances—is bigger than the difference between those who get elite private schooling and those that don’t. … [P]arents… should… have in their minds [that by reading bedtimes stories to their children], they are unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children” (Professor Adam Swift, Having a loving family is an unfair advantage).

To paraphrase President Spencer W. Kimball, he’s encouraging all to “shorten our stride.” But when the Savior cautioned against offending His little ones, He wasn’t referring to mothers who can’t care for every child on earth because they’re caring for their own. He was referring to those who “inherit… lies upon the hearts of the children and fill… the world with confusion”; who refuse to “bring up children in light and truth”; who “teach [not] children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” It is true that “unto whomsoever much is given, of [her] shall be much required”; but “it is [also] not requisite that a [wo]man should run faster than [s]he has strength.” Sisters, the Lord’s definition of motherhood allows you to give not when you have not, and He understands full well the hearts of those who would give if they had.

Perhaps the most important part of fulfilling the Lord’s definition of motherhood is “doing all things with an eye single to the glory of God.” One of the easiest ways to accomplish this is by following the example of the people of Zarahemla, who “pitched their tents round about the temple, every [one] having his [or her] tent with the door thereof towards the temple.” I think most of us understand what a blessing it is to have a temple right here in Gardendale, but I doubt there are many among us who couldn’t take better advantage of it. How often do we return to “learn wisdom… when [we] are in the service of [our] fellow beings” (and by extension, “in the service of [our] God”)? Quoting Sister Beck again:

“Covenant-keeping women with mother hearts know that whether motherhood comes early or late; whether they are blessed with a ‘quiver full’ of children here in mortality or not; whether they are single, married, or left to carry the responsibility of parenthood alone—in holy temples they are ‘endowed with power from on high,’ and with that endowment they received the promised blessings and are ‘persuaded of them, and embraced them’” (A Mother Heart, ¶9).

Sisters—and brothers as well—if it’s been too long since you’ve been to the temple, then you and I are in the same boat. Each of us needs to make temple attendance a priority, so we can better understand those blessings our Heavenly Parents promise us. Each of us must set a date to next visit the temple, and then make the sacrifices necessary to do it. To those who don’t yet have a temple recommend, I encourage you to do what it takes to get one. To those whose recommend has expired, I encourage you to renew it. By taking advantage of the beautiful temple God has given us, we can each learn of Him how to better fulfill all that He desires and requires of us.
In conclusion, I’d like to share a few words of encouragement to all you mothers out there—again, both those with children and those without. Elder D. Todd Christofferson recently spoke of those who fulfill the Lord’s definition of motherhood:

“Women bring with them into the world a certain virtue, a divine gift that makes them adept at instilling such qualities as faith, courage, empathy, and refinement in relationships and in cultures. When praising the ‘unfeigned faith’ he found in Timothy, Paul noted that this faith ‘dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice’” (The Moral Force of Women, ¶2).

Surely these qualities are the fruits of a mother heart, which qualities Elder Jeffrey R. Holland must also have been referencing when he stated:

“May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And ‘press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope’” (Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God).

And finally, a simple declaration from one of my favorite speakers of all time, President Gordon B. Hinckley. President Hinckley had a way of putting things succinctly, so it should come as no surprise that he made a profound and simple declaration regarding each mother: “None other can adequately take her place.” I lend my testimony to this statement, and I again wish you all a very happy Mother’s Day, in the name of Jesus Christ.